I'll be there in a hurry

Getting motivated.. transform old habits into good.. what a challenge! I have a huge wall of stubborn misfit inside of me. Awkwardly it is my nature to rebel. Why? Why does this have to be my challenge in life? I am and have been settled into life. Content with my choices and progress but there is this little something inside of me that has to act out. Right now I don't have many ways to rebel so it ends up being with food. For one I don't have an appetite. Maybe it is my thyroid and MS meds or maybe it is just me. I have a hard time eating so I tend to just snack. Well snacks usually aren't within the 5 food groups; at least not the ones placed before me. So granted I had a health scare and some obnoxious set backs but I just can't drop the weight I gained from these situations. You know what I hate? I hate that I am even talking about my weight in this manner. I have always been a thick woman but never was I insecure with my body shape, until now. I have never been a dieter but now it looks as though I have joined a new group within society. There are limits to my physical activities. Part of me is bound by fear; fear of the pain that follows or the weakness and disability within my body. I have a little guy on one shoulder saying "there are no limits to where you go" and the other voice " saying don't do it, you will pay for it with pain". I weened myself off of my pain meds because I could not handle how it altered my brain. I felt a constant fog which took away feeling and my thought processing. All my life i have been a thinker and a feeler so this was not o.k. or comfortable for me to be in a state of obscurity.

This summer I am headed to Star Valley, WY. I have the chance to make good healthy choices; without to many distractions. I will be surrounded by majestic mountains. I am hoping I can fight my stubborn ways and overcome this weight that haunts me. I have a lot of family there so I am hoping to get them on my side so they can push me to my goal. Having family can go good or bad. Family equals celebration, food, long visits and so on.

Truly I am grateful that weight is my challenge right now. I have overcome disabilities and set backs. So it is funny to me that I cry about my weight. I sit here and smile that this is my biggest challenge right now.

There are many things I am grateful for mainly the feeling of comfort I receive from a loving God. I love to tap into my inner Marvin Gaye and belt out the appropriate song for my life which is "Aint No Mountain High Enough". I love to sing this to that girl I know I am suppose to become.

"There ain't no mountain high enough,
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you"

I love the fight in me! I am just learning to fight for what matters.