My fabret day

Should parents be held responsible for their children's actions? I think we play a major role in our children's progression. Monkey see; monkey do. So my point of writing this is because I wanted to brag but the truth is I have a conscious and I know that my boys gain a major part of their qualities from me. Yah a few I am not proud of. Being a single Mom I sometimes feel it necessary to rough my boys up (wrestle, tease and punch them like a big sister would) Don't worry I am not being abusive but mocking what I would think a Dad would do if he were around. My younger more sensitive son told be yesterday I was a bully. HMM! I wondered how could that be? So I asked and listened. So he says because of the way I beat them up and play with him. OUCH! My first thought was he is being to sensitive he should know I am just playing around with him. I then recall feeling those same emotions as a child and wishing I had a voice to be heard. He continues to tell me in a sweet way he doesn't like bullies and he never want's to be a bully. He refuses to be with kids who might act in that manner. Embarrassing..! my 7 year old is giving me lessons in life. As much as I am a tom boy and loved wrestling and roughing up boys when I was a little girl I have to sort of soften up and be an example for my kids. Shakur is always holding me to my promises and actions. Don't you love a child that keeps you in line. lol The best part of my son watching my every move is that he has taken on some sweet and spiritual actions of mine. I love to see when my actions as a mother prove to be a success. So my son is in the 1st grade and he is new at reading and writing. I have loved writing and in the past year I have been disciplined at keeping a journal. A journal for me is a release of emotion that is necessary but not everyone wants to hear about. I am also grateful for this desire because I only hope it will serve a purpose later in life. So the best part is my son came to me with an empty notebook today and said this is his journal. He shared with me it's contents "I am a fan of Ellen (Degeneres)" he writes -so funny- He professes his love but we will keep the girls a secret. I just love that he is keeping a journal. I won't be naughty and tell all but he makes me laugh. The best part is how he is sounding out words to spell and my favorite part is that he spelled favorite =Fabret. Kids are sweet, I wish I had 20 so I could laugh all day.

Happy Birthday for me

Oh by golley G...supercalifragilis-expealidocious I am a day older and wiser too. Pretty relaxed.. no night at the clubs but I went and saw Rio had a sonic Dr. Pepper and tortilla soup from Baja. I am in a simple stage of life and willing to embrace my following chapter of life. I look forward to spending my summer in Beautiful Star Valley Wyoming. Laying by the pool and spending time with my extended family. I will run now because I have to wake early to hit the gym with my Dad. I am hoping to maintain strength and physically improve. I will either push myself to success or push myself to be bed ridden. No Fear! Masseuse and Chiropractor will be standing close by. Toodles

...Even your spinach

Ponder..wait...pray..wait..cry and wait

I am forever seeking. Seeking my meaning. Ideally I had something else in mind. I was only taught one way but yet that way became a path I was not familiar with. I often wonder did I choose this path or is it the path that was handed to me. I am not on the cookie cutter path instead I am searching everywhere just to find the ingredients. I once was lost but I want to be found. I feel in transition. A feeling of being spun 100 times with the blind fold on.. stopped and now I have to walk that chosen path. I have what it takes within me.. it was always there... I just have to find my footing to continue on. I am not sure if i have any obvious distractions other than myself. It is a good thing I write cause I have to go back and visit myself just to find that strength. Oh how it is easy to forget. Imagine the labor we go through to birth a child or the painful road for those who just find that path to be a parent. Somewhere along the way there is pain,sadness and misery but in an instance the pain is gone when we fulfill the fruits of our labors.

Maintaining that strength by far is the biggest challenge. Accessing all the tools necessary to fight through just one more moment of one more day. How long should we try? When do we know the effort is good enough. I am like a small child desperately seeking approval. Approval creates motivation and security for me. As I read about my past in my journals I find it easy to approve of that person I read about. So why is it so hard to do in the moment each day? I am a person of reason and meaning. Without a role to play I lose my abilities. What role can a divorced mother of 2; crippling with pain of MS play? This has become my challenge; to seek "me". I must seek the unknown to find meaning.

Of course I have flashes of what I imagined life would be like. I then have flashes of the road I took that changed the course. Finally I just look at me now. It haunts me as if looking at an old picture where once I felt fat. Now I pick that picture up and say "I was so beautiful I wish I could be her again". I think "if I only I knew that what would I have made her become".We have the opportunity to find beauty in the moment but we will be disappointed if we seek anywhere other than within ourselves.

Beautiful is gliding with each step.
Beautiful is weather that allows us to enjoy our family on a spring day in the park.
Beautiful is a family pulling together in the time of tragedy.
Beautiful is having someone tell you they are proud of you.
Beautiful is being recognized, acknowledged and loved.
Beautiful is the simple act of giving.
Beautiful is to experience love.

Love absolutely everything that happens in your life you wont regret it....

To close but to far

Some days I would love to jump in the car, grab a smoothie and take the kids to the park. It's ok I am forced to just take it easy for now. I love my time spent with my boys. Moving back in with Mom and Dad is a blessing but it has its challenges. I feel like I have lost my identity as mother and I'm put back in a child's place. I watched this new show where the kids take over... I so wish I could have been on that show as a child. I love, that the show gives the kids a voice. I find not having a voice can be a challenge for me. I love to express and communicate so my efforts to connect with others can sometimes seem burdensome for them. Being trapped in the house all day and no opportunity to interact and express; by far it is my biggest challenge. I see that I am worrying about unnecessary things and that my worries are becoming more selfish. It is important to maintain an active physical body and mind so that I don't find myself deteriorating. Life's lessons show up in mysterious ways. I will just have to find myself in each one of them

I have!

Have you ever had an undeniable feeling that you know that Christ lives?


Have you had experiences where you feel absolutely alone yet there are moments where you feel recognized? Have you felt comfort, yet you are the only one in the room? Have there been people who have walked in the door and answered your prayers without even know your cries for help? Did you ever think "there is no way I can make it through" yet over time that becomes an experience of strength that gets you through the next? Do you kneel,cry,ask, listen and read? Have you ever looked around and thought "there is nobody who can understand"? Do you know the feeling of being recognized, acknowledged and loved? Do you recognize, understand and embrace all things?
Do you know what it means to love unconditionally? How long should we try?

Joshua 1:9
Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

Where is my bird song?

I am alive and that's what matters most!

It is past 3 a.m. and I am searching for an old child hood hymn. As I look for inspiration to pull me in the right direction I find myself in the lap of a Hymn book. I search through the titles and with majority of them I start singing each song. After being gone for so long I had no idea those songs lay still in my heart. Rushing memories with each song. I can almost remember the instance that each song touched my heart. Now that I have each song running through me I am finding it hard to remember the chorus of the song I was searching. I am eager to find the song that once touched my little heart. I am grateful the search opened my heart and invited love from songs of my childhood.

What is your favorite church Hymn or childhood song?

Looking for my jelly

Writers block--> or maybe a spiritual block. I have a strong testimony and desire of writing in my journal to transfer as a gift to my children. I became stubborn and retracted when I no longer had the ability to write. I still have the opportunity to type which also stands as a challenge when my fingers lock up. These disabilities brought havoc and sadness for me. That was the problem; I couldn't take the focus off of me and my illness to remember the precious opportunity to share my life and journey with my children. I can't help but think how amazing it would be to have journals of my parents. I have always been a high energy and been a serving individual. Having MS has made me feel like I have lost my ability and identity. I tend to mourn my past self instead of accept and embrace my new self. "How dare I", I often say. I feel it is hard to find my "swagger" limping with a walker but we all know that is not my purpose. These days I find myself copping out and saying "I can't". NEVER have I been one to say "I can't" so why now. I need to find my " I can man". People are influential and contagious therefore I need to find my Batman to my Robin or my peanut butter to my jelly so that I can push forward. Sometimes we just need someone to help carry the weight until we regain the strength.

" The Lord" I hear you that are reading this yelling out "this is when you call on the Lord". Yep! you are right. I do find it hard to not have physical companionship but I am learning that the Lord is my Redeemer and I am not alone.