Writers block--> or maybe a spiritual block. I have a strong testimony and desire of writing in my journal to transfer as a gift to my children. I became stubborn and retracted when I no longer had the ability to write. I still have the opportunity to type which also stands as a challenge when my fingers lock up. These disabilities brought havoc and sadness for me. That was the problem; I couldn't take the focus off of me and my illness to remember the precious opportunity to share my life and journey with my children. I can't help but think how amazing it would be to have journals of my parents. I have always been a high energy and been a serving individual. Having MS has made me feel like I have lost my ability and identity. I tend to mourn my past self instead of accept and embrace my new self. "How dare I", I often say. I feel it is hard to find my "swagger" limping with a walker but we all know that is not my purpose. These days I find myself copping out and saying "I can't". NEVER have I been one to say "I can't" so why now. I need to find my " I can man". People are influential and contagious therefore I need to find my Batman to my Robin or my peanut butter to my jelly so that I can push forward. Sometimes we just need someone to help carry the weight until we regain the strength.
" The Lord" I hear you that are reading this yelling out "this is when you call on the Lord". Yep! you are right. I do find it hard to not have physical companionship but I am learning that the Lord is my Redeemer and I am not alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment