Master your life!

And it only just begins. Sometimes...ok.. a lot of times I feel like the odds are against me. Let me inform you at this time I am in the best of spirits and feel very positive about my future but I have a need to just express myself at this moment.

My challenges are complex and diverse but somehow when I feel all is lost I somehow pull through and look back and say " -really- I made it through".

I am a dreamer and a planner. This keeps me driven and optimistic. I will tell you no matter how much I planned and how hard I worked I was never ready for the past 10 years of my life. If you know me personally or have known my family you will understand that for me to be standing, or in good health or to have any light of life left in me is a bit of a miracle at this time. I could not have prepared nor was my family prepared to help me through the woes of the past few years.

The repercussions of divorce or a broken home can be enough to send you through emotional warfare. The pain we carry for our children's little broken hearts can be enough to swallow us alive. I have been through many battles to protect, to love and to carry my children through these years but the trials are never ending and exhausting. Without ever remarrying, the weight of the world continues to be solely on my shoulders. The world surrounding me has become a vampire and I do everything I can to just find peace and solace to re-energize my batteries only to make it through just another day. It is easy to ask yourself " what am I living for; if all my living days are pain"? I suppose that was my reason for being lost and broken for so many years because I lived my life without the Lord as my center.

A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master — gardener of his soul, the director of his life. ~

*Purpose* ..we have one.. Just takes us all a different spectrum of time to find what that purpose is. As for me my journey is steady and revealing. I find more to live for and refuse to run from that which I can't bear. Some days I feel like I am on a cruise liner other days standing in front of a semi. My cryptonyte is knowing I have overcome one of my fears, let go of a horrible habit, inherited a valuable quality or my favorite gentle loving gestures from my boys which they offer me when there is nothing left in me. When you understand there is value in life you find each day to master life's journey.