Chasing my thoughts!

Life has a silly way of warming and waking you. My life is always evolving and transforming and with each new year I feel I have hit that mark. The revelation of life is a shift in existence. Challenges are a daily and I sit in my chase lounge at night with amazement that "I" yes me made it through just another day. Each day I say to myself " This day will break me" but once again I see the light. There is a reward at the end of each dark tunnel. A reward felt and understood by me and only me. Each day I am humbled and find myself speechless.

I thought finding out that I have a disease that will challenge me every day for the rest of my life would bring me a lot of grief and heartache but really I now see life through different eyes. Simply the small things are just that -small things-. We live a life centered around ourselves. We live each day protecting ourselves, defining ourselves, working for ourselves. We find it hard to focus on much more then that which surrounds ourselves.

Yesterday I had met my pain level. I met my match. Although I managed to walk through my front doors and not crawl was a surprise to me. As I sit in my Chase lounge with my heated blanket comforting my back I reflected on life. I had visions of my past struggles of life and thought if this trial is hard what can my future bring and how will I prepared for whats next. *humble* very humbled by all of this. I sat and imagined Christ and the pain and persecution of his experience and I felt small in the sphere of life. I can't imagine a quarter of what my Lord might have felt. This image and understanding feeds me strength beyond measure. I imagine this God inside of me and fight to pull through each moment that breaks me in the moment. It is easy to cry and complain and to want sympathy but never will I know what Christ felt that day nor can I imagine the pain of most peoples struggles. Sure it is easy to say !"This is what I would do if I were her"! but truth is if we took our worst day.. you know that day that feels like we can't push any further and times it by 10 and then greet each and every person with that understanding I think just maybe we might be a more humble and sincere society. I don't know your struggles and maybe I might not come close to experiencing what you might feel each day but just know my simple smile I share with you is a conditional hug from my heart because my God has opened my eyes.