Pursuit of Meaning

Life's a dance you learn as you go Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow Don't worry about what you don't know Life's a dance you learn as you go

This song has continued to play over and over in my head. As I get older, naturally I come to understand myself more and more. Control seemed the driving force of my being. I love being rewarded and acknowledged for all that I could accomplish. For me there was no end in sight I wanted everything with a kiss of perfection. Although this is powerful and wonderful for most to have such strength and enthusiasm, for me it became a monster or a beast. I did not allow God to do his part because with my lack of knowledge I perceived this as my job on Earth. I did not allow a husband or my partnerships to play their role because I was scared to relinquish my title. I feared not being seen, heard or acknowledged. For me to not have a specific role meant not having an identity. We create social settings and formations as we grow. Me being a middle child I was lost between meeting the standards of my older and articulate siblings and then fighting for the attention of the cute and needy baby siblings. For years I have searched for what would make me -just me-. I started out as the tough, tom boy sister .I challenged my brothers and did't pay much attention to the girly things. I valued work but once high school finished there wasn't anyone around to validate my identity. I don't know if anyone is prepared for this crossroad. I suppose we all go through this trial in life. Your purpose is the essence of who you are. It is the reason you are alive. To know your purpose, you first have to know who you are. For some it might take a few years to find what makes them who they are and for others maybe a lifetime. Purpose doesn’t necessarily involve grand ideas or revolutionary inventions. Instead, it often springs from a commitment to be faithful in even the most undervalued tasks.

“The search for the purpose of life is one of the deepest of our experiences as human beings,”